Photo Credit: ©Angie Viets
Out of control.
Tethered to terror.
Everything that once was is no longer.
Sad, scared, deeply ashamed.
Desperate to hold onto something real.
Something to comfort and soothe.
Someone. Something. Anything.
Please help me escape this pain.
The not knowing.
The never-ending loneliness.
The deep, hollow feeling in my stomach.
Alone. Unsure. Unsafe.
I turned in circles trying to grasp onto
something more solid than myself.
And then you came.
Rescuing me from…me.
The perfect antidote to my suffering.
Your predictability, reliability, and steady
presence tricked me into thinking I’d
found just the right place to rest.
You offered the gift of security in
my broken, battered world.
You occupied my every thought.
I could forget all the hurt
and perpetual sadness.
I had you, my ever-loyal companion.
The day marked forever in my mind.
The day I realized I was trapped by you.
Suffocating. Silent.
Utterly consumed and confined.
No matter how hard I tried to escape
the prison you so carefully locked me in,
I got more lost and less found.
Defeated and depressed.
I came to you for a safe place to hide
from myself and my broken heart.
You gave me just what I needed.
Or so it seemed.
I guess that’s what makes the goodbye so hard.
But I’m picking myself up now.
I’m determined, yet unsure of the way.
I can’t go back to where I left off.
Just forward towards what will be.
My mind unable to find the way;
I close my eyes and allow my soul
to guide and illuminate the path ahead.
Despite the harm you inflicted,
the damage you did to my body and spirit,
I still want to thank you.
I bow to you in deep reverence.
Somehow you got me through the wreckage.
But I’m saying goodbye now.
This goodbye is not temporary;
you are no longer welcome in my sacred self.
I assume you will try to return;
attempting to lure me in with false promises.
Yet I assure you I’m wise to your ways now,
and I will gently shut and lock the door.
Eventually you’ll give up on me.
Preying and prying your way into another unsuspecting soul.
They too will come to know you by name
and eventually usher you out as well.
My silent prayer,
my hope, my wish,
is that someday you’ll give up entirely.
You’ll see that we now rely on each other;
this tribe of us once lost now found
United. Mended. And completely whole.
Collectively we are saying goodbye.
Hands and hearts entwined.
We are rising together.
Softer and stronger.
Wise and awakened.
Fully, completely, alive.
To our beloved sisters unsaved,
we honor you.
We acknowledge your bravery and courage
to fight, what often seemed impossible.
We carry you with us.
We shine your light.
We remember you.
Always. Forever.
